Your running stats, but funny.
Strava Run Check connects to your Strava and turns “412 km” into things you can actually feel: train overtakes, Napoleon comparisons, banana-seconds, and the occasional moment of cosmic perspective. Built to be screenshotted into the group chat.
Read-only Strava access. No feed, no followers, no logging. The card is the product.
The Deck
Forty to sixty cards per runner. Every swipe a different flavor.
Your totals are recomputed across time windows and handed to an AI comparison engine that writes the jokes fresh, so a casual jogger and a marathon obsessive both get a full deck. The cards here are style previews — flip through.
Connect Strava and every card is written live from your actual numbers — no two decks are ever the same.
Get your deck312km
You've run Vienna to Prague.
Berlin unlocks in 280 km.
via Strava Run Check
1 / 8
The editorial system
Eight registers, one rule: punch at sloths, never at people.
Real geography
The 'wait, really?' hook.
“You've run Vienna to Prague. Berlin unlocks in 280 km.”
Over-the-top cosmic
Absurdity at planetary scale.
“0.00000014% of the way to Proxima Centauri. Pack snacks.”
Fictional worlds
Fandom recruitment.
“31% of the way across Roshar. Highstorm delays not included.”
History
A distinct, bookish voice.
“You've out-marched Napoleon's retreat from Moscow.”
Roast
The quote-tweet engine.
“Your robot vacuum has done 412 km. The vacuum is winning.”
Absurd units
The meme layer.
“9.3 million banana-seconds. We refuse to apologize.”
Existential-beautiful
Saves, sincerity, quiet awe.
“Earth carried you 940M km around the sun for free. Every bit helps.”
Animal kingdom
Nature is competitive.
“A snail's descendants would finish your yearly mileage in 2103.”
Roast intensity
From warm hug to lovingly destroyed.
This week: 9 km
9 km. Solid. That's roughly one airport terminal, gate to baggage claim, with snack stops.
Same data, three tones. You pick how much truth you can handle.
Five time windows
Small numbers are funny in a different way than big ones.
A weekly 9 km gets a hyper-local roast. A lifetime 4,000 km gets the cosmos. Every Monday a fresh “Your Week in Absurdity” deck lands, and it’s never empty — small weeks are extremely jokeable.
- Last week“This week: 9 km. Your fridge-to-sofa lifetime total remains higher.”
- Last month“Across the Golden Gate Bridge and back, nine times. The fog respects you.”
- Year to date“Since Jan 1 you've run Amsterdam to Brussels. Paris in 140 km.”
- Last 12 months“You've out-marched Napoleon's retreat from Moscow.”
- Lifetime“Continental drift called. You're winning by a factor of 2 million.”
How it works
Three steps, zero effort. Our kind of cardio.
- 1
Connect Strava
One tap, read-only scope. Strava Run Check can see your runs and nothing else. It never posts, never writes, never judges your kudos ratio. Well, maybe the last one.
- 2
AI does the absurd math
Your totals across each time window go to an AI comparison engine with strict tone rules. The math is real, the framing is ridiculous, and no two decks are the same.
- 3
Screenshot, share, repeat
Every card renders as a clean image made for the group chat. Cross a milestone and a fresh card is waiting. One more 5k unlocks the next joke.
For runners who need a laugh more than a lecture.
AI-written, globally fluent, and never the same deck twice. Connect your Strava and see what the engine says about you.
House rules: we punch at sloths, robot vacuums, and Napoleon. Never at bodies, diets, or how slow you think you are. The sloth thinks you’re doing great.